Thursday, April 30, 2009

generic update type post

Ok... so it's been a while since I've written, so this will be "generic update post number 3,458,264"

First... the celebration.  There is officially 10% less of me than there was back in January.  So what?  So, this is a big deal.  Ok, so we're at the 25 lbs down, a zillion and twelve left to go point, but it's a start... and a much better start than I expected.  Why?  Because I have a thyroid disorder that has pretty much kept me from losing weight every other time I've tried... this is a very nice change.  So here's hoping it keeps going!!  I want to have to buy a new team uniform next year!

which brings us to point #2.  Paintball.  Yup... still spending time with that.  The guys were nice enough to let me join the team as a probationary member... I'm having a ball!  Ok, so I haven't actually been PLAYING much (for various reasons... like injury, or the need to NOT have bruises for Easter *laugh*), but I've been spending time with the team... getting to know the personalities... helping out with stuff... playing counsellor occasionally (as I always seem to do ;)  )... and most recently ordering a metric shit-load of gear, picking games to attend as a team-member, and caving to D's desire for me to get "a change of scenery" by heading off down to Oklahoma (where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain) for the biggest paintball shindig in the known world... D-Day.  Well, ok... I haven't actually GONE to D-Day yet, that's in June.  Should be... interesting.  D can't go, so I'll be piling into a van with 3 guys from the team (2 others and their better halves will be driving down seperately) for a few days of absolute mayhem in tornado country.

And then there's the update on my cousin.  He got married, and pictures from his wedding prompted my last mention of him.  He looked so old and in so much pain.  He and his new bride went off on their honeymoon cruise, but he had to be removed from the ship and taken to hospital when they docked in the Canary Islands.  He was in bad enough shape that my uncle had to fly out from Ireland.  I'm worried about my uncle... it's been the two of them against the world for so long... they're best friends.  I'm not sure how well he'll hold together when my cousin inevitably surrenders *sigh*.  Anyway, I found out last night that my cousin improved enough to return to Ireland.  And that's as much info as I have at this point.  So, in those moments when I'm not avoiding thinking of him, I'm choosing to take that as a good sign.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Twists and Turns

It's funny the way things play out sometimes.

Through the recoil from a fairly heinous personal attack, I've met some great people. While some people have left my life, others have entered. While I may be losing one, I may be growing closer to others. And in the dark days lately and to come when I've been feeling so alone, I need to focus on that.

If not for events of last fall, I might not have been looking for a way to spend the time when I was no longer out with certain people. I might not have wormed my way into the paintball world. Some of the people I've met through that are some of the best people I've ever met. Awesome people with awesome attitudes... lots of laughs, lots of solidarity.

I fear I may be losing someone who was once close. He's not much older than me, but I've seen recent pictures and the pain his eyes show has aged him unbelievably. I wish money wasn't such an issue in our lives right now... I might be able to visit him before he's gone. I wish distance hadn't stolen so many years of having him in my life... and likewise health issues. There are memories I'll treasure... taking him to do 'touristy' things the last time I saw him... hearing stories of his travels... childhood visits at my maternal grandmother's home... my favourite and closest cousin growing up.

Funny how people drift in and out... sometimes staying for years, sometimes only briefly (but profoundly) touching our lives, sometimes making return appearances, sometimes hovering around the edges of our existence, waiting to be invited in, or to invite us out, sometimes teaching us valuable lessons (about self-worth, about the value of other perspectives, about character judgement and trust...), sometimes just providing a distraction and a re-direct only realized much further down the road.

The key is to cherish the moments for however long they last, and appreciate the lessons.