(un-)"common" courtesy

Yes, boys and girls... today's episode is about courtesy... common courtesy... or uncommon courtesy, as it seems is increasingly the case.

Let me tell you about my trip home from work yesterday. I encountered 5 people clustered at the corner, chatting, completely blocking the path... who glared at me when I said "excuse me". I then encountered 2 girls and a boy with a puppy who refused to surrender any part of the sidewalk they were spread out across to oncoming pedestrian traffic. Numerous people of the "walk up and stop" variety. And then one real peach who managed to irk me 3 times in the space of less than 60 seconds. At the subway station I use there are (from left to right) 1 turnstile that is token access only, 1 turnstile that is token & metropass access, and the ticket booth. People with tokens or passes generally avoid the booth path because it moves slowly, with people making purchases and asking questions of the collector and such. This peach of a 'gentleman' (and I use the term in all facetiousness) was a metropass user. I am a token user (because for someone who only uses the TTC for work and consequently uses at most 10 tokens per week it's less expensive than a monthly pass... but that's a whole other rant). He was with his buddy (also a pass user) stepped up to the turnstile to scan his pass... and rather than step up behind him, this *cough* 'gentleman' stood BESIDE him... blocking the other turnstile... the one that I could use to bypass the line of pass-holders. Fine. I'm irritated 'cuz I've got places to be, I plug in my token (eventually) and push through the turnstile... or at least, that was the plan. I am now the proud possessor of a significant muscle-bruise on my upper thigh *sigh*. Anyway, I hurry down the stairs to find that the subway I want is at the platform... I rush over... this same 'gentleman' is ahead of me, walks (slowly) through the doors and stops dead to contemplate the car. Leaving me nearly running into the back of him and still on the platform as the warning chime begins to sound. Quick step left and I'm on the subway. I turn right, but he's meandering through the car ahead of me. I see a seat to the right. He's heading to a seat on the left. I set course... he reaches the seat to the left, picks up a newspaper that was on the seat... and cuts in front of me to sit in the seat on the right to which I had been headed and from which I was, indeed, mere inches away. Yup, 3 discourteous events in less than 60 seconds.

Courtesy, I think, comes down to respect. Respect for the people around you, respect for your environment, respect for yourself. I'd love to say it's only an issue with a particular age or ethnic group... that it's an age or cultural difference thing... but it's not. The same people who for years were in the age group most vocal about the loss of manners (aka courtesy) in young people are guilty of the same breeches of conduct, themselves. Black, white, brown, yellow, red, purple, pink with green stripes... all showing the same tendencies.

I was on the subway home one day last week and was treated to the sight and sound of a young couple (of the sort where it's hard to pin down ages, but at a guess I'd peg her at 16 or 17 and him at 23 or 24) laughing and touching and fondling each other in the middle of the subway. Yes, fondling. As in groping. As him him grabbing her boobs and her grabbing his crotch. Oh joy. Thanks for sharing. Discourteous, party of two! Their behaviour showed not only a lack of respect for the people around them, but for themselves and each other.

Daily I see people cutting in front of others without so much as an "excuse me" or "thank you" or "sorry" or even a glance that says any of those things. I see people rushing to get through doors before the person who opened them can (as opposed to waiting to see if the door was being held for them, or waiting for that person to walk through and potentially hold the door or pass it off to them). A woman on the train this morning answered her cell phone at a volume roughly triple that at which she had been conversing with her friend... and then continued to bad-mouth her husband to same friend once the call (from self-same husband) was done... AT THE SAME LOUD VOLUME. Loud enough, indeed, that I am fully aware of the content of the conversation in spite of having Rammstein playing directly into my ears. Loud enough to overpower Industrial music played at loud-ish volume from closer proximity. I'd be surprised if the upper deck could also hear the whole monologue.

Chivalry... an extension of courtesy... is, as I told my mother last week, not just dead, it's been lying out in the sun for 6 days. It's bloated and smelly and rotting. I can't remember the last time a guy held a door for me... but I know he got a smile and a thank you in return! And then, probably another door held for him a few feet away, 'cuz that's just how I roll *laugh*

Please. Thank you. Expressions of regret or sympathy. The little social niceties. Those little actions that hardly take any effort, but tell the people around you "I respect you. And I respect myself enough to SHOW you the respect I have for both of us." Those actions of which people say "it's a little thing... but it's a nice thing." Let's bring them back! Let's not look at people who do them like they've got 3 heads (a look with which I am well familiar). Let's make the little effort... and revel in knowing that we probably brought a little sunshine in someone's day by being courteous and showing them some respect!

(to put it in more pop-culture terms... remember that ad where someone smiles at someone and they later smile at someone else, and that person and someone who sees it go do something nice for other people and so on and so on? It's like that. You're doing something really small... but it'll send ripples farther than you can imagine... and might have a bigger impact on someone than you ever thought possible)