'k... I suck... and in this case, not in the fun way

Yeah... so... I know I've mentioned this before (although it might have been in the old blog)... I suck at blogging/journalling/documenting my thoughts on a regular basis. I blame the fact that my brain keeps going until it stops. There's no happy decline in which to stop processing new items and start documenting the events of the day. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it! ;)

Anyway... it's been an interesting week and half. The long weekend was remarkably stress-free. Got lots of stuff done around the house, but still managed to relax. We didn't go away anywhere, 'cuz D was working on Saturday, but that's ok. Then there was the week. Good grief am I glad that's over!

Boss Man was on vacation... and for some unknown reason he designated me as his backup. Me... new to the job... still not really sure what I'm doing. Not fun. Things that shouldn't have needed any action suddenly did. Things that should have gone smoothly didn't. And then there's the campaign I'm working on. I had a specific understanding of what was involved. Just needed copy and creative from Marketing. Yeah... turns out, it's going in a different direction. Completely. Can you say "panic". Go on... give it a shot. Panic. Yup... that's what the end of my week was.... 2 full days of panic. Hopefully it's all under control now and will still manage to get out for the 4th. *fingers crossed*

Then there's D's show that he's been working on. Volunteer position. Now, D has a theatre background. Even more than me (ok, I studied technical theatre, but he has far more actual practical experience even though he didn't study it). This is the same group he was involved with 2 years ago, and hated it. But he thought maybe it was a fluke, so when they asked him to be involved last year, he said sure. Why he then agreed to "help them out" for a third year isn't really clear to either of us. The stories he's coming home with make me cringe. You know things are bad when it comes to the load in (which should include the lighting hang & focus) and the director and lighting designer haven't actually sat down yet to discuss what effects are wanted and what lights have been ordered. Today was supposed to be the cue to cue. But since the hang and focus didn't really get done, that would make it a little difficult to build the cues and do an actual cue to cue. Theoretcially it was supposed to end about an hour ago... but I don't expect to see D until quite late... if I'm even still awake when he gets in *sigh*

I've done remarkably little this weekend... which I desperately needed after the week I had. More time with D would have been good, though... 'cuz I'm not going to see much of him for the next 2 weeks with this show *shrug* Ah well... got my sunrise pics uploaded to my photobucket account (now I just have to tell people where to find them... and the 'read only' password... which I might do here tomorrow in case anyone's actually reading this darn thing *laugh*)... did some clean-up on my laptop... did a little crafty-stuff... chilled with the cats... all's good.

This week.. what's on tap? Hmmm... lunch with PeeWee on Tuesday... working from home on Wednesday (first try at the working from home thing... must remember to have my off-site password reset before then)... for some reason I've got Thursday sticking in my brain as something other than just the last day before June... I have no doubt that there will be more of interest as it unfolds.

Have a good one!

Well, that's just Not Right!

Take note of the date... May 18th... the Friday of the long weekend. Expected high today 17, tomorrow 22.

Got up this morning... walked out to head off to work. Back window is covered in dew, so I get out the squeegee ('cuz I figure being able to reverse and see where I'm going is a Good Thing). Put squeegee to window.... Hmm. Well that's Not Right (yes... Capital 'N', capital 'R').

Frost!!!!! My car had freakin' FROST on it!!!!

Ah, memories of 5 years back... went camping with D (and yes... I don't camp, generally) for the May Long Weekend... and it snowed! Yup... May 20th... snow. I did, however, learn on that trip that a hot waterbottle will nicely heat a 3-man tent *laugh*

Well, that was nice... and unexpected!

So... this morning got off to a rip-roaring start. Nature put on a fun light-and-sound show... but the rain had stopped by the time we were leaving the house.

Got to the GO station... walked down the platform to where I normally stand (puts me in the car closest to the exit from the platform closest to work). !0 minutes 'til train time and the rumbling starts again. I figure "a little rain never hurt anyone" and figured I'd just deal (not a big fan of umbrellas in electrical storms... I don't mind a little water... and the nearest shelter is not particularly close to that end of the paltform). All was going well... a little bit of drizzle... then, as the train came around the bend (still a good minute or two away) the big, heavy drops started splattering all around. Damn!

And then an unusual thing happened. A woman who takes the same train, with whom I have never before shared so much as a "good morning" lifted her umbrella (she being a good foot shorter than me) and offered me shelter. *boggle* Bless her!

Then... I got on the train and in my haste to get organized and sit down I ripped my earphones from my ear. Literally. And unfortunately the silicone cover for one popped off (a fact I did not notice until I had sat down and was going to put them back in my ears. *sigh* So I figured by the time we got to Union (4 intervening stops) it'd probably be long gone. I had resigned myself to a quick scan at Union and the liklihood of having to buy another set.

Well... we got to Union, and another passenger who had been sitting in the next row of seats facing me (so several people in between) walked straight over to where it must have fallen out... picked it up and handed it back to me! He must have watched it for the whole trip. Bless him, too!

Sometimes people do things that restores my faith in the human race.

One of these days...

One of these days someone's going to comment on one of my entries... and I'm going to keel over in shock *laugh*

(and now you can keel over in shock at the short entry! ;) )

What the hell is wrong with some people?

I had a big long rant typed up, but since it was 2 full pages in Word, I figured it was probably a wee bit long to inflict on anyone who might actually be reading this thing. So, I'll summarize in a rather cryptic nut-shell.

Today I am decidedly peeved with a large group of people because they have been so completely self-absorbed that they have wounded one of the few people in the world that they can truly count on dropping everything to help them if they every really need her.

So... Mom, you rock and I'm so sorry these people suck.
extended maternal family, smarten up, already. This woman is a peach and deserves better from her family.

On other, somewhat happier, topics...

- D has decided I need to take up scrapbooking *laugh*. Well... he's looking for a hobby for me, and every so often I marvel at the things that people come up with (oh that I were nearly as creative... my photo albums are precisely that... albums full of photos... not artsy creative displays with notes and decorative embellishments). So, tonight we investigate how much the financial investment would be to pick up the hobby.

- At lunch I was on the recieving end of a look that clearly said "Ok... it's nice and all, but do you have 3 heads or something?" Why? Because I thanked a stranger for holding the garbage can open for me in the food court. Yes, folks, simple politeness has officially become so uncommon that a simple "Thank you" for a courteous action warants a double-take. But then, I've also been known to hold doors for people, and respond to similar actions with a smile and a "thanks!". What can I say... people are strange.

- I've just spent the better part of today reviewing some proposed website changes and making notes. Through this endeavour I have discovered two things:
1/ I like the "track changes" and "insert comment" features of MS Word for such activities.
2/ I hate the "compare and merge documents" feature because it seems to like adding changes that never actually took place in any of the documents involved. Case in point: two documents each with comments on a third (let's call it the "original") document. Merge document 1a into the original. Merge document 1b into the original. Suddenly the combined now shows notes saying phrases were deleted. Interesting. They weren't deleted in the original. They weren't deleted in 1a OR 1b... so where did the note come from?
Sadly, the recipient of the review now gets to combine them because I quite simply gave up.

But... it's 3:15 on Friday afternoon... another half-hour and I'll be free of this place for the weekend (although I've got some work I need to do at some point before Monday morning... but it shouldn't take too long, I'd think).

Wa-hoo! Freedom! :)

Help! I need suggestions....

What do you get for a 3-year-old's brithday when the birthday girl is a "girly girl"? I was always a bit of a tomboy, and am still not particularly "girly"... this kid is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY girly. Pink. Tinkerbell. Frilly.

Help!!!!

What the...?

This is going to be a long one (very, very long, it seems)… I’ll understand if you don’t get through it all (she said, pretending that anyone actually reads this thing *laugh*)

Ok… I don’t usually put much stock in the “meaning” of dreams. They’re just dreams. I pay more attention to my personal intuition (more than once I’ve been overwhelmed by feelings that turned out to be fairly accurate although I had no real basis for “knowing”).

Lately, though, I’ve had a few dreams that have left me with a bad “taste” in my brain (well, ok. That just sounds odd… but I think you know what I mean… there’s a residual sense… and it’s icky). Lately my dreams have been haunted by my ex fiancé. I have absolutely no reason for him to be wandering around inside my mind. I haven’t seen him in about 8 years. I don’t deal with anyone who knows him (as far as I know…). And frankly, that’s a chapter of my life I have absolutely no desire to revisit. I can forgive and get past a lot of things from my history and see them purely as learning experiences. The time with him, however, I just can’t do that with. Nobody else has ever quite so successfully made me feel like dirt. Nobody else has isolated me from friends so effectively. Nobody else has ever been so abusive and gotten away with it for so long. And what have I been dreaming the times he’s turned up? Forgiving him and establishing a social relationship with him. Gah!

Guess it’s just further proof that I’m actually insane and just passing for well-adjusted *laugh*

So where’s the “bad taste” come in? Well, it goes something like this.

Have you ever had a dream that was so vivid that you woke up wondering if it was really a dream? I have. In fact, after one incident with this @ss, I spent several hours trying to convince myself that I’d dreamt it (sadly, I never quite convinced myself, and another incident that I know damn well wasn’t a dream undermined my careful self-brain-washing). You know that theory that you can’t dream about places you’ve never seen and people you’ve never met? Done it… in fact, while with this guy I dreamt about moving him into an apartment.... that he didn’t get for another 6 months after that (yes… exactly the same apartment… same unusual layout… same unusual light fixture…). These recent dreams have had a similar ‘feel’…. Like they’re more than just a dream, but I know damn well they haven’t happened. Yet.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I’d love to get beyond this and stop in from haunting me (for all that it helped make me the person I am today). But I just can’t see it happening. Our last few encounters were far from friendly. The only way I could possibly see me even being in the same room as him is if I was doing it for someone else. Like if, say, I discovered that a friend’s guy who she absolutely adores is the same @ss-wipe for whom I moved away from my whole family, gave up countless friends, tried to change my very nature to keep him happy, and ended up abused and assaulted. I recognize that people can change… that it’s quite possible that his family smacked some sense into him and he grew up (did I mention his mom actually called me to congratulate me for taking a stand against her boy? And that his brother who looked up to him said he wasn’t surprised because he was murder to live with?). I might have a moment of fear for the friend, but the gals I interact with are all strong women far less likely to put up with that kind of sh!t than I was. In such a situation (dear friend madly in love with him), I could conceive being civil to him.

But forgiving completely and actively pursuing a social relationship with him? I can’t see it. Not while I’m awake, anyway.

I dunno… it’s just freaking me out a bit, is all, so I thought writing might help. Sadly, not the case it seems *sigh*

Old friends

Isn't it funny how with some people you considered friends, you don't see them for a few weeks and when you finally see them again it's strained and forced? And with other people you can go for more than a year without seeing them and when you do it's like you saw them yesterday?

Woke up this morning... sent D off to the digital imaging show with his Dad... hung out with the ma-in-law for a while and then headed off out to Stratford to meet A for "brunch". A and I met when we were both Arts frosh (ok, so it was my second Frosh year, but that's irrelevant ;) ). We became friends through classes and the friendship was solidified when we were assigned to the wardrobe crew for a show during our technical theatre course. Neither of us were particularly handy with a needle and thread, so we volunteered to be "running crew"... hours of quick repairs, quick changes, lacing people into corsets, wig dressing, and laundry. Yes... laundry... which also netted us keys to the department and 2 different buildings, which was kind of cool. When we moved off-campus, we shared accommodations for 2 terms... she was going to be a bridesmaid the first time I was wedding planning (heck, she would have been one the time I actually went through with it, but she's working in the theatre scene, so her time can be unpredictable... she goes where the shows are). Once I left Waterloo, we drifted apart and our friendship fell into the pattern of periodic emails of the "are you still alive" sort. But when we saw each other today it was like no time had passed. I mean, we spent a lot of chatter catching up, but we chatted easily.

On the other hand, I ran into a girl I was decently close to a few months back... conversation was stilted. Maybe it was the relatively short shared history. Maybe we just weren't as close as we once thought. In any case... I thought it was an interesting thing.

And... to round off the day... my ma-in-law has offered to help me learn how to sew... which could be a handy skill to have, considering how difficult it is to find clothes at a reasonable price that are built for a woman who's 6' tall (6'1" if I'm feeling energetic). So here's hoping I can learn *laugh* I'm seeing this as a positive sign and a possible bonding experience... either that or she hates my clothes and thinks I need to learn how to make something decent *laugh*

Sad for so many reasons...

I just read a news article that the Toronto Humane Society are having "Midnight Madness" tonight and extended hours all weekend in an effort to get their cat population under control (they're at the maximum... and it's kitten season).

While I love the Humans Society and the work they do for abandoned and rescued animals, I find this sad.

Sad because people are so irresponsible, careless and heartless that they have reached maximum capacity (in spite of a major adoption drive pre-Christmas).

Sad because they think a "Midnight Madness" event is a good idea. Sad because they keep having these drives leading up to holidays and "deals" and gimmicks... these are not the sorts of things that bring in quality pet owners. These are the sorts of things that bring in people who're prone to gimmick advertising or cheap kittens or cute presents... people who may very well tire of these poor animals in a matter of weeks and turn around and abuse or abandon them. And does that really get anyone ahead?

Humane Societies around the world say over and over and over "Never give a pet as a birthday or holiday present"... because it's cute in the moment, but the novelty wears off... pet ownership is a commitment. A commitment that's trivialized by pre-holiday adopt-a-thon events and Midnight Madness "sales". Reduce the adoption fees periodically, sure... throw in free spaying/neutering, sure... showcase the harder to adopt inmates, sure... but don't promote a "Midnight Madness" event or encourage people to adopt a pet at a time when they're trying to think of a cute gift. *grumble*

Midnight Madness is for furniture... not for pets.

Ok... off the soap-box now. On to happier topics....

We're heading out of town this weekend (in a few short hours, in fact) and as a result I get to have brunch tomorrow with an old friend I don't get to see nearly enough... and hopefully another friend, too who I rarely get to see and for whom I have the cutest baby-related parcel...

I'm jazzed. Plus I think I'm still a bit wound up (albeit somewhat tired) from my 'business' excursion last night. Observed a friendly and very hap-hazard game of Texas Hold'Em... played a LOT of pool... met some new people (and some not so new, but now I've got a face to go with the name)... and got the details of a pool league! I've missed playing pool in a decent environment that wasn't my basement *laugh* So, hopefully when the league starts up again in September (they take the summers off for the rec league... and I'm not really a competetive leaguer) I'll be able to join in!

That's really irritating...

Today's really irritating award goes to: People who answer questions they didn't listen to.

Example: I went to make a purchase today from a mobile vendor. Was perfectly satisfied with the price. Asked "Do you take VISA" (because otherwise it'd clear out my wallet... not a huge deal since I work for my bank, but not something I particularly wanted since I'm heading out to a "free booze" even this evening and may need cab fare). Answer: "Yes". Wraps up the item, I hold out the laminated loan shark.... "Oh, I only take cash" Gah! Then why, in the name of all that is holy, would you say "Yes" when asked if you take VISA??????

Close runner up... people who ask questions and can't be bothered to listen to the answer. Like the woman in the other location I went to make a purchase... who asked if I needed help finding anything and when I said "yes please... I'm looking for..." had already turned and walked away. Needless to say, I left nothing behind in that store except the dust off my shoes... certainly not my money.

I can understand the "polite question"... you know... "How are you?" when you don't really want to hear more than "fine" or "I've been better" as a response... not a catalogue of every ailment imaginable. But if you're in a service job... and you ask a service-related question... should you not, then, stick around long enough to hear the answer to know if you should... you know... provide some SERVICE???!?

People suck, so I'm off to play pool on someone else's dime. Should be entertaining... this group of 7 people who do work for our department invited us all out. 10 of us. Who's going? Well... the 7 of them and 3 of us. Yes... 30% of the invitees from here are actually able to go. Curiously enough, we also make up the 3-person team within the department who may be dealing the most with them in the future, so I suppose it's a good thing *laugh*

Have a great one, folks... I'm outta here!

Who needs the Blarney Stone?

Wow. 'k... this entry is just to prove that I AM capable of a short blog bit ;)

Good thing I've never kissed that damn Blarney Stone on any of the countless trips to see the family Across the Pond, eh? *laugh*

Nostalgia... what a funny beast it is....

Oddly enough, this post also involves facebook, but it didn't start there. *laugh*

It's funny... nostalgia is an interesting beastie. In nostalgic moments the mind travels back over time and longs wistfully for moments that might not even actually have happened *laugh*. Nostalgia is the guaranteed application of rose-coloured glasses.

A few months back (ok... maybe last summer) I ran into a gal on the train that I recognized. She recognized me. We had been at high school together. Together as in "at the same time" rather than "moving in the same circles". In fact, we had remarkably little in common and very little contact in high school, but now when we see each other we can chat and laugh and reminisce for a half-hour with no effort. Take us back 16 years and it's unlike we would have found more to talk about than perhaps the time of day and weather *laugh*.

I had lunch with an old high school friend a month or so ago. Although we've both changed (perhaps not so much in appearance, but in the little personality traits that shape who we are) we had quite a lovely lunch catching up and chatting. We were friends in that "hey, it's high school, we've got lots of classes together and occasionally do things outside of class time, but generally school-related, but we don't hate each other" kind of way, I think... if I'm looking back with honesty. We had a dear friend in common. His death sort of cemented our relationship... as shared loss often does. I can think of several people over time that I probably wouldn't have stayed in touch with for nearly as long as I did if it wasn't for a shared loss experience. Don't get me wrong... she's a great gal... she was a wonderful person in high school, and I think I like the person she is now even more because the wit has been honed and she's chosen to learn from what life's thrown at her and do positive things with the negative experiences. I think we have more in common now.

And then there's, yes, you guessed it... facebook. Looking at my list of "friends" (because friend is a term I use sparingly in real life), there are 4 guys who I was at some point involved with to varying degrees and who probably think of me rarely, if ever, and quite possibly with mixed feelings and oft' times unflattering sentiments *laugh*. I'm ok with that... it's the way the world works. There's also a guy I had a bit of a crush on... I'll be honest, largely due to him being taller than me *laugh* (hey... it's not often I get to feel short... it's got a novel appeal ;) ). And a few people who barely had the motivation to pass the time of day with me when they first entered my life, but now we've sent messages back and forth as if we were the best of friends. Not that I mind... it's nice... makes me feel like the social person I once was (and would to some extent like to be again), rather than the borderline recluse I've become *laugh* I know that in a couple of cases I didn't try to keep in touch because I wasn't in a place where friendship with the people involved was probably not the best idea in the world for any number of reasons. We've all grown since then and now, with the help of the rose-coloured glasses of nostalgia, we might actually have a shot at being friends.

Nostalgia blunts the sharp edges of harsh words and hurt. The question now is... how much time does it need to accomplish that? ;)

It'd be nice to sit down for coffee (or other beverage for those of us who don't touch the evil bean product) with people from high school and not feel quite so much like the fringe-dweller I was (or social outcast, more accurately, I suppose. Nobody's fault, really... My classes were split between two grade levels... I didn't belong to either.... I was an artsy who didn't belong with the math/science folks... I was a mathie who didn't belong with the artsies... and {some things never change} not remotely athletic). There were times in University when I thought that if the people I knew in high school could see me, they'd hardly recognize the social, flirtatious, dancing, sport-drinker. But there have been times since University, too, when I think the people I knew then would hardly recognize the quiet, neither artsy nor techie, generally non-drinking gal whose flirting skills could really do with being brought out of storage *laugh*

I wonder what they'll make of me if they take the time to get to know me now.

Then again, I've always been a bit of a social chameleon... there are many, many facets to me... very few people get to see the majority of them, and the visible facets vary depending on who's looking *shrug* We all wear masks... they key is recognizing where they end and we begin and not losing sight of who we really are. And remembering that sometimes the masks show more of our true selves than they hide.