Nostalgia... what a funny beast it is....

Oddly enough, this post also involves facebook, but it didn't start there. *laugh*

It's funny... nostalgia is an interesting beastie. In nostalgic moments the mind travels back over time and longs wistfully for moments that might not even actually have happened *laugh*. Nostalgia is the guaranteed application of rose-coloured glasses.

A few months back (ok... maybe last summer) I ran into a gal on the train that I recognized. She recognized me. We had been at high school together. Together as in "at the same time" rather than "moving in the same circles". In fact, we had remarkably little in common and very little contact in high school, but now when we see each other we can chat and laugh and reminisce for a half-hour with no effort. Take us back 16 years and it's unlike we would have found more to talk about than perhaps the time of day and weather *laugh*.

I had lunch with an old high school friend a month or so ago. Although we've both changed (perhaps not so much in appearance, but in the little personality traits that shape who we are) we had quite a lovely lunch catching up and chatting. We were friends in that "hey, it's high school, we've got lots of classes together and occasionally do things outside of class time, but generally school-related, but we don't hate each other" kind of way, I think... if I'm looking back with honesty. We had a dear friend in common. His death sort of cemented our relationship... as shared loss often does. I can think of several people over time that I probably wouldn't have stayed in touch with for nearly as long as I did if it wasn't for a shared loss experience. Don't get me wrong... she's a great gal... she was a wonderful person in high school, and I think I like the person she is now even more because the wit has been honed and she's chosen to learn from what life's thrown at her and do positive things with the negative experiences. I think we have more in common now.

And then there's, yes, you guessed it... facebook. Looking at my list of "friends" (because friend is a term I use sparingly in real life), there are 4 guys who I was at some point involved with to varying degrees and who probably think of me rarely, if ever, and quite possibly with mixed feelings and oft' times unflattering sentiments *laugh*. I'm ok with that... it's the way the world works. There's also a guy I had a bit of a crush on... I'll be honest, largely due to him being taller than me *laugh* (hey... it's not often I get to feel short... it's got a novel appeal ;) ). And a few people who barely had the motivation to pass the time of day with me when they first entered my life, but now we've sent messages back and forth as if we were the best of friends. Not that I mind... it's nice... makes me feel like the social person I once was (and would to some extent like to be again), rather than the borderline recluse I've become *laugh* I know that in a couple of cases I didn't try to keep in touch because I wasn't in a place where friendship with the people involved was probably not the best idea in the world for any number of reasons. We've all grown since then and now, with the help of the rose-coloured glasses of nostalgia, we might actually have a shot at being friends.

Nostalgia blunts the sharp edges of harsh words and hurt. The question now is... how much time does it need to accomplish that? ;)

It'd be nice to sit down for coffee (or other beverage for those of us who don't touch the evil bean product) with people from high school and not feel quite so much like the fringe-dweller I was (or social outcast, more accurately, I suppose. Nobody's fault, really... My classes were split between two grade levels... I didn't belong to either.... I was an artsy who didn't belong with the math/science folks... I was a mathie who didn't belong with the artsies... and {some things never change} not remotely athletic). There were times in University when I thought that if the people I knew in high school could see me, they'd hardly recognize the social, flirtatious, dancing, sport-drinker. But there have been times since University, too, when I think the people I knew then would hardly recognize the quiet, neither artsy nor techie, generally non-drinking gal whose flirting skills could really do with being brought out of storage *laugh*

I wonder what they'll make of me if they take the time to get to know me now.

Then again, I've always been a bit of a social chameleon... there are many, many facets to me... very few people get to see the majority of them, and the visible facets vary depending on who's looking *shrug* We all wear masks... they key is recognizing where they end and we begin and not losing sight of who we really are. And remembering that sometimes the masks show more of our true selves than they hide.